No Pain, No Gain

Feeling fat?  Feeling bloated?  Feeling as though all your post-winter efforts to shed those extra pounds have fallen flat?  Are you living in fear of how women and children will scream in terror at the sight of your bloated, John Goodman-like body once bathing suit season rolls around?  Well, the promise of a new day lies just around the corner.

While it’s unlikely that more Doritos are the answer, and drinking away your sorrows only pushes your BMI closer to the brink of diabetic coma, there is a glimmer of hope.  Proper diet and exercise, the cornerstones of physical fitness, are sometimes not enough in the battle of the bulge.  Occasionally, especially in the most urgent and problematic cases, outside intervention is necessary.  In these instances, the assistance of a personal trainer can make the difference between vulgar corpulence and relative physical normalcy.

The United States, beset by a plague of chronic obesity, can now breathe a collective sigh of relief, as the health of the nation got a little “boost” today.  Barry Bonds’ personal trainer, Greg Anderson, was released from federal custody today, under the direction of U.S. District Judge Susan Illston.  The decision places one more qualified fitness guru back on the open market—a move that can only benefit the overall health and well-being of the average, overweight American.  Perhaps Anderson can even help you.

Clearly, Greg Anderson is the type of personal trainer that is willing to go the extra mile to ensure that his clients achieve a peak level of performance.  Moreover, those same clients, having reached the pinnacle of performance, are most assuredly one step closer to total and complete self-satisfaction.  Not only does Anderson cure the ills of the human body, but his exhaustive methods repair fractured psyches.  We’re talking about a person who is 50% gym-rat, 50% psychiatrist, and 50% fitness messiah.  Mathematics alone reveals that Anderson’s at least 50% greater than the average human being.

Additionally, Anderson isn’t going to let something like “laws” get in the way of you achieving your fitness goals.  Remember, this is a man who has spent some 15 months in prison for a single fitness client.  Imagine what he might be willing to do for the rest of the wanting, American public.  Imagine about what he might be willing (and able) to do for you.  Talk about going the distance.