Red Sox v. Twins: A Tale of Two Teams

There’s something about tonight’s baseball game on a certain four-letter network that just doesn’t resonate with fans.  No, it’s not the inane blatherings of Aaron “Bleeping” Boone (although they don’t help matters any).  No, it’s not the potential drunken ramblings of Rick Sutcliffe (those are at least entertaining).  And no, it’s not a potential wardrobe malfunction by on-field reporter Tim Kurkjian (although Erin Andrews would be better).   In all honesty, it’s the combined records of the two teams playing.  At a combined 28-38, the Minnesota Twins (12-20) and Boston Red Sox (16-18) are playing well below expectations, frustrating even the most casual onlookers with their less than stellar performances.

After a busy offseason that included signing outfielder Carl Crawford to a seven year, $142-million contract, and trading for first baseman Adrian Gonzalez (who later signed a $154-million contract extension of his own), the Red Sox seem poised to lay siege to the American League. After all, adding two perennial All-Stars to an already strong collection of offensive talent seemed a sure-fire way to put an already competitive team over the top (note the Sly Stallone reference).  Top to bottom, the team featured an offense that seemed capable of running roughshod over even the strongest teams the AL had to offer, and causing the lesser squads to quake with fear like the tiny fools they truly were (bonus points for getting that reference). 

So far, the Boston offense had been, oh, middle off the road.  They’re 14^th in runs scored with 144, 12^th in batting average (.254), and 14^th in slugging % (.393).  It would be something if a slap in the face to Red Sox fans to point out how far behind the Yankees they are in certain statistical categories.  Suffice it to say, the Yankees aren’t struggling to score runs the way the Red Sox seem to be.  Worse, perhaps, is the team’s inability to prevent runs.  The Red Sox team ERA (4.31) is the third-worst in the American League, and much of that is due to Jon Lackey’s sudden transformation into a human batting tee (see: 7.16 ERA, 1.74 WHIP).

The Twins fare no better.  In fact, to their season has had all the promise of a cancer diagnosis.  Neither of their former American League MVPs has contributed much to an anemic offense that ranks dead last in the Major Leagues with a .292 OBP and next to last with a .323 SLG (thanks, Padres).  Justin Morneau is hitting just .202 with a .561 OPS and Joe Mauer, the team’s equivalent of Jesus Christ at catcher, was hitting just .235 before a mysterious ailment caused his legs (and bat) to lose all their strength.  Sure, the fact that Mauer, outfielder Delmon Young, and DH Jim Thome are all on the disabled list could be seen as a reason for their struggles—an excuse if you will.  No excuses, people…NO EXCUSES!!!

Not that it matters.  The Twins team ERA (4.73) is next to last in the American League, meaning that they couldn’t stop the opposition from scoring, even if their offense were making a contribution.  The team’s .375 winning % is an indication of just how bad things are at the moment.  The offense is terrible.  The starting pitching, Francisco Liriano’s no-hitter aside, has been a huge disappointment.  Even the relief pitching, last season’s saving grace, has let them down.  Former All-Star closer Joe Nathan and his 8.18 ERA is a testament to the fact that not every pitcher comes back from Tommy John surgery without a hiccup.

Having a nationally televised game of these two faltering franchises seems less than appealing in so many ways.  Stars on both sides are either statistically absent or absent altogether.  Injuries and ineffectiveness have stripped this May game of its potential playoff feel.  Sadly however, Twins fans don’t seem to have as much optimism as their Boston counterparts.  Even with all the Minnesota-nice you can heap upon the analysis, the simple fact remains that the difference in overall talent between these two rosters makes it extremely difficult for even the most ardent Twins fan to see a silver lining.  The Red Sox, for all their failings, finally look like their dormant bats are coming to life.  The Twins, on the other hand, have to look to the trainer’s table to even find their best hitters.  By the time Mauer and company get back to playing baseball, it would be surprising if the Red Sox weren’t; already on the plus-side of .500, at least in part because they can take 3-of-4 from the Twins with a nationally televised victory on May 9, 2011.